


Arrow

by kyeopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Anxiety, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-19 00:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyeopen/pseuds/kyeopen
Summary: When Tyler's anxiety is too strong, Josh is here to help.





	Arrow

Tyler holds his pen in his hand, staring at the desk in front of him. He doesn’t know for how long he’s been crying. Maybe it’s only been five minutes. Maybe it’s been thirty. He’s too busy trying to catch his breath to pay attention to the time passing by. He doesn’t really know why he started crying either. Maybe it’s because of the very important phone call he had to make this morning at work. Maybe it’s because he couldn’t find his words and started stuttering. Maybe it’s because of the first meeting he had to attend later during the afternoon. Maybe it’s because he felt like his boss wasn’t listening to him. Maybe it’s because he felt like he was wasting his breath. Or maybe it’s a mix of everything.

Of course, it may seems like he’s overreacting. And he is. He knows that. He knows his work atmosphere is not even stressful. He knows he’s only pressuring himself, like he always does. But that doesn’t stop him from feeling overwhelmed by this anxiety. That doesn’t stop him from crying his eyes out and losing his breath.

He wishes he could be normal, sometimes. He wishes he could stop worrying so much. About every little thing he has to do during the day. Making a phone call. Speaking during a meeting. Starting a normal conversation. Asking questions. This anxiety is ruining his life. And he knows he usually manages to get the best of it. He knows he usually always gets through it and still goes on with his day. He’s often called brave for it. But he’s not so sure anymore. Maybe he’s not brave. Maybe he’s just weak, for worrying too much about things that don’t even matter. Maybe he’s just not good enough. He wishes he could be.

His parents don’t really know about it. Only his sister does. Although he tries to hide it as best as he can most of the times. He’s always felt close to his family, but talking about intimate things like his anxiety still feels like a mountain to him.

He doesn’t really know when it started. This anxiety. Maybe it’s always been there, somewhere in the back of his mind. He’s never been diagnosed with anything, but he’s seen a few therapists before and they all seemed to think that his behavior might come from some form of anxiety. And he believes them.

Tyler rubs his eyes for a few seconds and lets out a sigh. He runs his right hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, trying to reason himself. It’s not the first time he’s crying over nothing in particular.

 _You’ve been there before_. He thinks. _Tomorrow will be better._

But then, his eyes fall on the Swiss army knife his dad bought for him a few years ago and hurting himself doesn’t seem like a bad idea after all. He already tried, once. The knife wasn’t sharp enough though, and Tyler remembers almost feeling disappointed. He then had the presence of mind to text one of his friends, that day, and this one managed to talk him out of it. He didn’t try again since then, although sometimes the urge to do it is overwhelming.

This time, it’s his friend Josh who stops him from making the same mistake. This one opens the door of their apartment quite abruptly, making Tyler jump on his seat. He can hear him placing his keys on the kitchen table and dropping his bag on the floor.

‘Tyler! I’m home, dude!’

And Tyler doesn’t really know why hearing the voice of his best-friend has such an effect on him, he just knows he starts crying a bit more than a few seconds ago. He knows Josh might open the door of his room to check up on him any moment now, but Tyler beats him to it and stands up to get out of his room. His best-friend is here, standing in the middle of the living-room and as he’s about to turn around, Tyler wastes no time to rush toward him and throws himself into his arms.

For a few seconds, Josh seems a bit taken aback but then Tyler can feel two arms holding him tight and he only bursts into tears, burying his face into the crook of his neck.

‘Tyler, hey… What’s going on?’

‘I… I don’t know.’ He says, in between sobs. ‘I’m just… I’m just being stupid.’

‘I’m pretty sure you’re not, sweetie.’ Josh answers, running one of his hand through Tyler’s hair. ‘You want to talk about it?’

‘Please.’ Tyler only says.

‘Okay. Then let’s sit down, alright?’

Tyler only nods and lets Josh guide him towards the couch. For a few seconds, neither of them say anything. His best-friend probably waits for him to speak and Tyler tries to focus on Josh’s hand who is tracing small patterns on his back. After a while, he lets go of the embrace and runs both of his hands through his hair, trying to regain his breath.

‘I’m sorry.’ He eventually says, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jumper.

‘Tyler, you have nothing to be sorry for, alright?’ Josh answers, placing his right hand on his knee. ‘What happened?’

‘I don’t know, I… I was at work and… She asked me to call someone for a thing they’re planning and I… I freaked out. I hate making phone calls and we’re both working in the same room and I just… I didn’t want to call the guy with her in front of me the whole time. I… I eventually did because I… I’m not going to tell them that I’m just a fucked up human being who gets too anxious to talk to someone over the phone. So I did it and I… I had written down everything I needed to say but even… Even with the piece of paper in front of me, I… I stuttered. I couldn’t find my words and my hands… My hands started shaking and I must have looked like a complete idiot. And I know it’s stupid alright? It’s so fucking stupid, to get anxious for something like that. And I’m so tired. I’m so tired of not being capable of making a phone call without feeling like throwing up. I’m so tired of not being able to do normal things without worrying all the damn time. I just… I’m so done with myself, Josh.’

‘Tyler...’

‘And then I had to participate in a fucking meeting. With everyone, including the boss, and they asked me to… My tutor asked me if it was something that was scaring me, and I… I said no. Of course I said no. I don’t want them to think that I’m a complete failure. But maybe I should have said yes, Josh. Because that’s what I am. A failure. This anxiety, it’s… It’s ruining my life. And it’s not even that bad, you know? I realize that, when I’m okay. I’m not anxious all the time. There are days when I… When I’m feeling fine. The work atmosphere is… For the most part, it’s not even stressful, you know? People are nice. Sometimes, I can even laugh with them. But then… Then there are moments when I… I’m feeling paralyzed. By this anxiety. And it’s keeping me from taking any kind of decisions and I… Sometimes, I even have to take a break and go to the toilets to avoid crying in the office. In front of them. And god, I… I just wish I could stop being so fucked up.’

‘Tyler, you’re not fucked up.’ Josh answers. ‘Maybe you see yourself as a failure because you worry too much, because you get anxious over things that some people can easily do, but… Tyler, that doesn’t make you a failure, alright? On the contrary. Just because a fear is irrational doesn’t mean it’s not real. That’s what anxiety is all about. And I know it sucks. Trust me. I know. But you, Tyler? You’re so far away from being a failure. You’re the bravest person I know. And I know you’re going to say that I only say that because you’re my best-friend or because I just want to make you feel better, but it’s not true, okay? You’re the bravest person I know. That’s a fact. And you want to know why?’

‘I… I don’t...’

‘Because living with anxiety, Tyler? Living with anxiety and still being able to do all the things you do at work? It takes a strength that most people will never understand. And yes, maybe you’re stuttering, maybe your voice shakes a bit, maybe your heart beats so hard against your chest and maybe your hands start shaking but Tyler I’ve known you for years and I know for a fact that you get the best of it every single time and that you always get through it.’

‘But I’m tired, Josh. Of… Of feeling that way.’

‘I know. I know what it feels like. But Tyler, you’re not in your right mind. It may feel like a nightmare right now. It may feel like you won’t ever be able to overcome this anxiety. And maybe you won’t. Not completely. I’m not saying you will. This anxiety is probably always gonna be there.. But it will get better. I promise.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

‘Because it already did, Tyler. It already got better. You used to freak out so bad whenever you had to do an oral presentation. You used to be so scared of buying your food at the supermarket.’

‘Yeah… Yeah, but…’

‘And what about the phone calls? You told me you received so many calls at work, right?’

‘We… We do.’

‘And how do you feel now, when it rings?’

‘I… I feel okay. I feel fine. But it’s… It’s not the same Josh, they’re always asking the same questions so I… I know what to answer, now.’

‘Exactly. So it did get better. Because you got used to it. And maybe making a phone call is more stressful for you because you’re the one who has to ask questions. Maybe some things will be harder to get used to. And I’m not going to lie, maybe some things will even be impossible to get used to. I can’t tell for sure. I’m not an expert. But you’ll get there. Eventually. I know you will.’

‘Okay.’ Tyler says, almost whispering.

‘And if… If it’s getting too bad. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, you know you can ask for a professional opinion, right? I know you’ve been seeing some therapists but maybe… Maybe getting an official diagnosis can help. Maybe taking medicine can help. And please don’t think for a second that you’ll be weak for considering this possibility. Because you won’t. You will never be weak for doing what it takes to heal.’

‘I don’t deserve you.’ Tyler eventually says.

‘Shut up. Of course you do.’ Josh instantly answers.

‘I guess I’ll… I guess I’ll think about it.’

‘You can take your time. This is a big thing, Tyler. You don’t have to take any decisions right now.’

‘Will you help me?’ Tyler asks, after a few seconds.

 

‘I always will.’

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this one.


End file.
